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A priest in his fifties in northern London
I stand too quickly, the room sways and sweat clings to me. I am too tired, too aware of approaching age, to hurry. Again the doorbell. I am coming, but let me savour these moments. Here in the hall, coat and hat in hand, let me remember the house around me, its proud, half-empty rooms, old shadows, creaks and groans. It has been my home for fifteen years, as it was the home of a dozen priests before me and will be of a dozen yet to come. Already it has turned its back on me. I bow to Our Lord in His eternal agony, His head fallen, His muscles taut with pain, I crave His pity and know He offers none. I turn to Our Lady. Ave Maria. My sins might sentence me to ten thousand times ten thousand years in Hell and still the intercession of Her Grace and Love could cause ten thousand times those years to pass in an instant. Mother of God, Mother of all Mankind, Mother of this fearful, defiant servant, I beg Your blessing and forgiveness. The ringing echoes through my head. I turn the latch, pull the door and there you stand, my Michael, my Angel. A vision of eternal beauty in your dark suit, your fair hair freshly cut, your cheeks narrow, ageless and razor smooth, your pale blue eyes taut with arrogance, intelligence and youth. A smile which once seduced and now terrifies. Next story: First and Fiftieth 
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"Sometimes you sit, watch the trains, the sunset, the rain. Sometimes you talk. Tell your story if you've a mind to. Trouble is, memory changes things. Things you want to forget. Things you want to remember that never happened. Happens to everybody. Gets so, nobody's story's true. Not yours, not mine. But it's all we've got." First and Fiftieth Many years ago I met a priest in similar circumstances to the one I describe here. Over drinks one evening, he told me about the conflict within him between his faith and his desire for men, and how he hoped it would be resolved. He asked me if I would facilitate the scene described later in the story. Young and unsure of myself, I declined. E-BOOK: £3.50 
PAPERBACK: from £6.00 signed copy from the author from the publisher Paradise Press by the author 
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